Chapter Three : The Conspiracy Theory (Diaries of A FAT Girl - Maybe Funny but Sure Deep !!!)
By Ziad Bakri - September 06, 2012
"What about the
cameras ? there are cameras everywhere , how am I supposed to do it ? Oh my God
, I am afraid , no , I am terrified . Am I ready ? Yes , I am . I will do it no
matter what ."
I stood there , got rid
of the ideas of the cameras and stepped forward. Quickly but taking care of
every little step I am taking , I
reached there and found it , I reached out to take it . Oh , it is very
beautiful and tempting , I touched it and………………..
Suddenly , I heard sirens
everywhere , policemen showed holding guns at my head "There are policemen
everywhere " the chief said , " don't try to do any stupid act ,
raise your hands slowly and drop it slowly."
"What have I done to
myself ?" I thought , I raised my hands slowly and dropped it , my
lovely Chocolate Bar . While crying ,
the policemen came towards me and arrested me .
" You have the right
to call a lawyer or any member of your family . If you don't have money , we
will provide you with a lawyer …….."
Another policeman said to
me :"That is what you get when you are Fat and trying to take a chocolate
bar out of a supermarket "
"I am innocent
" I cried , " It is not for me , it is for a relative of mine , she
is very thin , I swear , I swear "
"Liar "
answered the policeman , " Haven't you heard that no one is allowed to buy
a chocolate bar for another person , all of these laws are made for the fat
people like you to get thin. Now , get ready to be punished , you will be taken
to the court , and stay forever in the prison and …."
I stopped listening ,
fell on the ground and started screaming ……
"Excuse me , are you
ok ?" , a lady asked me .
I looked around ,
apparently it was another one of my day dreams that I have while I am shopping
at the supermarket , trying to fight every temptation to buy unhealthy
things .
"No , I am fine ,
thanks , I was just thinking about something " , I answered , smiled and
decided to walk away , but do you think that I am that lucky for my misery to
end ?!!! YOU ARE MISTAKEN.
"Wait" , the
lady said . " I would like to talk to you about something."
Do you know those people
that you feel that they are going to convince you to join a religious or
political group , or maybe they will offer you drugs , or they will ask you to
be a spy for the enemies? That is what I felt exactly about her .
Since I couldn't handle
being accused of buying a chocolate bar , I was not ready to be a part of any
conspiracy either . So, I put the face of 'I am a patriotic citizen and I will never
sell my country' and walked towards her.
I could hear the national
anthem playing in my head while walking towards her .
She came towards me , and
said in a very quiet voice as if she was trying to tell me a secret : "
Have you ever tried to lose weight ?"
WHAT ? ARE YOU FREAKING
KIDDING ME ?
You know , I wish she
wanted me to be a spy , it would have been easier to deal with , I wanted to
call her names , beat her and get the hell out of there , but I tried to be a little bit
sarcastic about it .
"Lose weight ? No ,
I have never thought of it , do you think I should ?" I answered in a very
sarcastic way.
Tears were about to come
out of her eyes, as if she is standing next to a child who has a deadly
disease.
"Yes, dear "
she answered , batting on my shoulder , " Yes dear , you must lose the
weight"
I wanted to ask for her
ID , I was sure that somehow she will be related to my mother , or at least she
was her colleague in the aliens/laboratory thing (Read the second chapter and
you will know what I am talking about ) , but instead I decided to be the
bigger person ( ha ha , so funny , I know I am the bigger person , whatever
!!!) and walk away, but hell no, my life is not that easy.
"First thing my dear
, you must forget about coming to this section of the supermarket , there is a
huge section for …." She stopped talking for a second and then said "
For people like you" .
Seconds passed while she
was trying to hide her tears that looked HUGE through her enormous glasses she
was wearing .
"You should follow a
diet , eat an orange in the morning and that is it , stop eating everything
else , you can have cereal from time to time "
"Oh no , that is not
a good idea " , that was NOT me , it was another woman , who, apparently
was interested in our conversation .
"I think you should
follow the 'yogurt diet' , you only eat yogurt , diet yogurt of course , and
drink a lot of water , you will be thin and pretty in no time"
After five minutes , I
figured out that I was surrounded with eight women discussing my issues ,
suggesting weight loss plans and drawing my whole future.
What is going on ? is it
real that all of these women left everything to talk about me ? Why ? is there
a goal behind their conversation? Are they really shopping ? or they were sent
by an anonymous side to drive me crazy ?
I started screaming in
the middle of the supermarket , really screaming because simply I couldn't
handle this anymore. I wanted to walk away from the supermarket but all the
women were following me . Oh my God , this is how I am going to die , I started
running and some of them run after me .
I turned back to them and
screamed " What do you want from me ?"
One of them answered
" You dropped your purse dear"
I did not know what to
say , I took the purse , walked away and got out of the supermarket .
Bottom line , when you
are overweight , your imagination is really WIDE !!!
But it is not imagination
, I am still FAT!!
(Written by :Ziad Bakri
6/9/2012)
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