I am not happy!

Having struggled for many years to find out and recognize what happiness is to me,

Made me think that this was the toughest part.

I was wrong!

Now I know what I want to be happy, what I need to be happy, but I never see myself pursuing my happiness.

****

They say that we are the results of our own actions and decisions.

While in fact we are the result of hundreds of years, of our parents experiences,

Of the place we live in and those who surround us,

We are the result of what was planted in our heads, in our subconscious

***

But the recipe does not end here, there are more ingredients…

My lack of courage, my insecurities,

My guilt and the many people around me..

All of those who are chained to my neck pulling me down.

***

But I am an expert in numbness, in anesthesia!

I involve myself in new experiences, and try new things

I participate in many activities and travel..

Just to get momentum happiness..

***

I know that within five years I will be sadder,

And within ten I will feel miserable

Settling in for a life that others would die for..

And longing for one that for many others is worthless…

***

I miss the days when I did not know what my happiness is or where it lies.