I, sitting on the bed, sobbing like a child

"confessing” feelings that I never even allowed myself to think of before

so ashamed, alone and confused

All she wanted to do was giving me a hug,

to show me that she cares, that she is my friend, that it is OK.

All I wanted that moment was a hug, a shoulder to cry on

A friend to tell me it is OK.

   

Why, why did I pull her away?

Years passed and this question keeps coming up from time to time without an answer

like a long lost child who turned into an adult yet still looking for his mom and dad, for a reason, for closure.

Soul searching, trying to unfold the mysteries of my own self

I realized that I believe I am not worthy of other people’s love

I want it, I need it, I deserve it, yet when it is offered I go away

I read once that ‘We only get the love we believe we deserve’

It terrifies me.