Saturday, July 9, 2016

Confessions (1)

Mamma...

I have always believed that our souls were created in a way that makes us unable of hating our moms... But I found out later I was wrong... that day, the seed of hatred found its way into my heart.

It was the Eid and I was thirteen... Like every other child I was super excited about waking up in the early morning to wear my new outfit and go out to play with the other kids... I remember entering your room and whispering into your ears " mamma, I am going downstairs to play with the other kids" .. The way you opened your eyes widely made me think that you heard something wrong... You stood up, took me by the hand and walked out of the room..

I was scared, I thought I did something wrong that I was being punished for.. We went to my room... You made me stand in front of the mirror and you stood behind me with your hands over my shoulders:



"Mamma.. What is going on?"
"Look at your body Mariam... Look at it.. Do you believe that it is good for you to go out and play with the kids? You became a young woman now and you should not act like children." I was in shock unable to speak... " and where is the jacket I got you to wear with the dress ??never go out without it.. And from now on stop talking to Mansour.. You were young and it was ok but now it is not appropriate.. Do you understand me? "

You said these words and left... You threw the bomb and left me to die alone ! I remember how much I regretted waking you up... I still think about what would have happened if I hadn't woken you up and went down to play with the kids for one last time ...

I remember spending over an hour looking at my blossoming body in the mirror... I remember how much I hated it for preventing me from talking to Mansour... And for the first time in my life ..I wished I were a boy !



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About Me

Palestinian/ Freelance writer, translator and Trainer./ I believe that writing is therapy and that is why I write./ 26 years old.
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