Thursday, July 10, 2014

Third Day of Israeli Attack on Gaza : Random Thoughts of a Civilian

“There is NO WAR” , I told my students who sent me facebook messages in the middle of the night, they were horrified because of the bombs yet asking about the classes of the next day. It used to be a surprise to me, but after living all these years in Gaza and becoming a part of it, I got it, when you live in Gaza, you get bombed, your house gets destroyed, someone dies in your family and you STAND UP, go to your work and complete your day normally, because a Palestinian does NOT have the luxury of grieving !!

“It is just a normal situation as usual. We will get bombed at night and tomorrow we will come and take our classes , do not even try to ask me to postpone tomorrow’s exam. “

I woke up a couple of hours later to find out that an escalation against Gaza was announced !!! Many people saw it coming, yet I believe I was living in denial. I just cannot handle another war…


It is very weird how accustomed we got to the idea of wars on Gaza. The moment the news were sure, Gaza is under attack, we needed no time to think, we immediately went to the pharmacy to get my mother’s medicine, the supermarket to get the basic things we needed and we collected our formal documents in case we had to leave the place immediately.

Flashbacks keep coming back from the wars of 2008 and 2012, how clueless we were, how terrified. Don’t get me wrong, we are still terrified but for different reasons this time. Back then we were afraid because of the unknown, yet now we are terrified because we know exactly what might be waiting for us. 
Over 85 people Palestinians  were killed and over 500 were injured... Most of them are children and women !!!

Random quotes from friends through social media:
“This is just too much. I don’t think my unborn child or I can handle this anymore.”
“one of the difficult moments here in the hospital when a four year old injured boy asks you while crying about his father who has just martyred and you simply have to lie to him and ask him not to worry because his father is fine.”
“Our house just swayed with the nearby shelling” ( I just love the use of the verb ‘sway’, it reminded me of the song’ SWAY’. Now every time a nearby place gets bombed and our building starts shaking, I remember this status and smile.)
I am not able to look at the photos of the children’s dead bodies. They say it is necessary for documentation, I say it is too brutal and my weak heart cannot handle them.  I am terrified that one of the kids I have taught over the years might be one of them, this would kill me!
For muslims, Ramadan is a great month where they try to do as many good deeds as they can, it is the month of love, cooperation, getting close to god and fasting to understand the suffering of the poor people. Imagine after fasting for almost 16 hours, breaking your fast while being bombed!
 We believe that God answers the prayers we say before Iftar, many people ask for success, money, personal things, but these days, what most people are asking for is to be safe, just safe. Amen 
I remember many times talking to my friends and telling them :”These are supposed to be the BEST years of our lives, the years of love, experiencing, making mistakes, doing crazy things… and look at us, just living a routine live where our biggest dream is whether we can get out of Gaza, whether we are going to have electricity for 6 or 8 hours a day, whether the coming day will be a war or not. This is so sad and frustrating.
Doctors, journalists and humanitarian workers… you are heroes <3
Gaza is under attack, civilians are being killed every minute, living in danger, not knowing where we are heading to, not sure if tomorrow we will be alive or dead…. And still, I keep thinking of you. Oh Gosh!! How much I hate loving you …
We survived two wars.. I believe we will survive this one.. I believe that tomorrow is a better day…



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About Me

Palestinian/ Freelance writer, translator and Trainer./ I believe that writing is therapy and that is why I write./ 26 years old.
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