Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The Abortions...

She couldn't breathe nor walk.  She was struggling to see through the veil that she was wearing for the first time. It was covering her whole face yet she felt naked ! Her shame was stronger than her fear, but she had no choice… no choice at all…but to keep walking.

Horrified she might fall on the ground and her face would be uncovered, she tried to walk quickly but firmly, she heard the voice of rocks under her feet while walking, she kept looking and turning her head to the right and left. Even though she was almost sure no one knows her in that area, she did not have the privilege of jeopardizing her whole life.

She reached her destination and stood by the door of that old building, she pushed the black metal door that had a picture of flower drawn on it by chalk, she assumed that a young girl passing by might have drawn it, she did not know why the image of that girl found its place in her terrified, full of ideas mind.


She entered and took slow steps to the first floor, and when she reached the door of the 'place' , she saw another woman, wearing a veil over her face, waiting by the door.

For the first time that morning, she was not afraid ,she did not know that woman but she knew her well !! It was as looking into a mirror, her own self, own story, own mistake, own life in front of her eyes.

"Aren't you afraid …. Aren't you afraid of God?" , the woman asked her.

"God forgives, but people never do." She answered.

"What if you died on the operation table… die while killing a soul ?"

"I have no other choice and you, out of all people,  know that." she said while tears were falling.

"You Do have a choice, WE HAVE a choice. We can go and face our society, our destiny."

"I made a mistake and I deserve a second chance."

"What if they, our families, give us our second chance"

"I made a mistake and I deserve a second chance." She answered like a young child weeping.

"They might have enough mercy in their hearts, and everything might turn out well."

"She deserves to live."

"Who is she?"

"The girl who drew the picture of a flower on the door of this building, the girl who might be my future daughter."

"Your future daughter that you are about to have her killed?" the shocked woman asked.

"No, not this baby."

She answered and hurried towards the door and opened it , and while she was getting inside, she looked at that woman and said "Come with me, please come."

"No, I will go back , if there is one chance for my child to live then I will take the risk and face my family and the whole society. I believe that the love inside their hearts will overcome the hatred."

The woman said her words and went running out of the building.

She closed the door of the 'place' behind her to find a good looking man sitting behind a desk , chewing gum and reading his magazine peacefully.

"Hello, I am here for an … for an…."

The man looked her carelessly and asked " Did you get the money?"

"Yes." , she opened her purse and gave him the money.

She wondered how a relaxed man could be guarding a door of hell, how he can act so normally, he did not even ask for her name, which relieved her.

She entered the room while another man followed her, he gave her the anesthesia  and in moments, she was unconscious.

They say that a brain under anesthesia does not have the ability to feel, see or even dream of anything, but her experience was different, she had an out of body experience, she saw the man performing the operation on her, but surprisingly, she went far away, to that woman's house, in her living room, while she stood bravely in front of her family members to tell them the truth.

Her unconscious body shook which made the man question himself whether he gave her the right amount of anesthesia . He did not know that her body was shaking our of her fear over that woman…

Her family members did not even let her finish, everyone of them hurried to grab a knife or a strong tool to be the first to kill her. She did not move a muscle, she waited them gracefully and avoided looking at them in the eye, she did not want anyone of them to feel guilty for killing her. She looked at her angry father's hand that was holding a knife with love… Her only hope was that he would target her neck not belly, she did not want her baby to die before her….

Lying on the operations' table, she saw everything, she felt everything.. She witnessed the murder of a woman and her baby while her own was being killed.

The operation was over, she was unable to move or speak. Hours later, she was out of the building…. She looked around and saw a very small piece of chalk on the ground, she did her best to grab it and draw another flower on the building's old black metal door… She finished drawing… then left.

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About Me

Palestinian/ Freelance writer, translator and Trainer./ I believe that writing is therapy and that is why I write./ 26 years old.
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