Monday, September 24, 2012

Letter Three : To My Bully [My Cancer Letters]


My Cancer Letters
 ( Letters written by a 29 year old guy who found out
that he has cancer and  less than a year to live )
Letter Three  : To My Bully                       ____________________________________________       

No greetings ,

I found out a while ago that I had cancer .

When I first heard the news , I was lost . I did not know whether to cry or scream . Not that I did not want to , I simply did not know !!!

I walked in the streets for hours, asking God to help me find my way out , to get out of this unknown state. I tried to think of someone , any person whose memory would comfort me , my mother , fiancé or best friend , but I don't know how ….. you came up !!!

My state of lost turned into a surprise and shock. Thinking about why you came up in my mind took me away from the cancer news . I sat on the pavement , not caring about the huge number of people passing by me , looking and even starring . I couldn't notice the loud noises of the cars' horns.

I lied on my back on the pavement , right in the middle of the noises and the people's feet slightly kicking my hands and head by mistake.

Minutes later , I felt someone lying next to me , it was a young girl , I guess she was twelve years old . I did not care about her , until she stood up and looked down at me , our faces were opposite to each other.

"Are you poor ?" she asked .

I turned my face to the other side . she moved to face me .

"Are you poor ?" she asked , again !

"No , I am not "

"Then why are you sleeping in the street ? why don't you go to your home ?"

" I cannot "

"Why ? did you do something wrong ?"

I wanted to let the girl go away , I did not know what to do , I stayed silent for a while.

"No, but there is a bully at my school who is waiting for me there "

"Your school ? you are too old to be at school , you need to study harder then "

At that moment , I only heard the voice of the girl and the tapping of the people's shoes . 
All the yelling at us , the cars and everything turned into silence.

A man kicked me hard. So I stood up and started walking , I did not look back . After some minutes , I found a bench and sat on it .

"Now, let's talk about the bully issue "

I turned my head and got shocked by the girl who , apparently , has followed me . I wanted to ask her to leave me but I did not have the energy to do it .

I sighed "Huh , , don't you have a house to go to  Ms. Wise ?"

"Forget about me. " She said

Looking at my total amazement , she completed " Running away is never the solution , you need to calm down and think about how to deal with the bully . Sometimes you need to run out from the back door , others you need to lie but at one point you must face him "

Suddenly , I knew the answer !!

The reason why I was thinking of you !!

YOU ARE MY CANCER !!!

My cancer is nothing but a new bully in my life .

Can I always run out of the school to avoid him ? No. I just need the patience to know what to do .

And for the first time since knowing the news , I was able to feel . To be afraid , terrified , sad and angry. It doesn't matter as long as I was able to feel !!

I stood up , hugged the little girl , thanked her and went on .

My bully ,

I am writing this letter to thank you ….

Thank you for letting me know that life is not a fairy tale .

Thank you for teaching me how to be patient when facing  bad people , how to accept bad 
behaviors around me as a reality that I need to deal with , not to run from .

Thank you for making me smarter , to think more and be wiser.

My bully ,

I forgive you …..

I have cancer .

Please , don't feel sorry for me , if you do , you will prove that you have feelings ,  but cancer does not , and this idea is what I need to stick to until I figure out what to do with what is left .

Thank you .



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About Me

Palestinian/ Freelance writer, translator and Trainer./ I believe that writing is therapy and that is why I write./ 26 years old.
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