Thursday, September 6, 2012

Chapter Three : The Conspiracy Theory (Diaries of A FAT Girl - Maybe Funny but Sure Deep !!!)



"What about the cameras ? there are cameras everywhere , how am I supposed to do it ? Oh my God , I am afraid , no , I am terrified . Am I ready ? Yes , I am . I will do it no matter what ."

I stood there , got rid of the ideas of the cameras and stepped forward. Quickly but taking care of every  little step I am taking , I reached there and found it , I reached out to take it . Oh , it is very beautiful and tempting , I touched it and………………..

Suddenly , I heard sirens everywhere , policemen showed holding guns at my head "There are policemen everywhere " the chief said , " don't try to do any stupid act , raise your hands slowly and drop it slowly."

"What have I done to myself ?" I thought , I raised my hands slowly and dropped it , my lovely  Chocolate Bar . While crying , the policemen came towards me and arrested me .

" You have the right to call a lawyer or any member of your family . If you don't have money , we will provide you with a lawyer …….."

Another policeman said to me :"That is what you get when you are Fat and trying to take a chocolate bar out of a supermarket "

"I am innocent " I cried , " It is not for me , it is for a relative of mine , she is very thin , I swear , I swear "

"Liar " answered the policeman , " Haven't you heard that no one is allowed to buy a chocolate bar for another person , all of these laws are made for the fat people like you to get thin. Now , get ready to be punished , you will be taken to the court , and stay forever in the prison and …."

I stopped listening , fell on the ground and started screaming ……

"Excuse me , are you ok ?" , a lady asked me .

I looked around , apparently it was another one of my day dreams that I have while I am shopping at the supermarket , trying to fight every temptation to buy unhealthy things   .

"No , I am fine , thanks , I was just thinking about something " , I answered , smiled and decided to walk away , but do you think that I am that lucky for my misery to end ?!!! YOU ARE MISTAKEN.

"Wait" , the lady said . " I would like to talk to you about something."

Do you know those people that you feel that they are going to convince you to join a religious or political group , or maybe they will offer you drugs , or they will ask you to be a spy for the enemies? That is what I felt exactly about her .

Since I couldn't handle being accused of buying a chocolate bar , I was not ready to be a part of any conspiracy either . So, I put the face of 'I am a patriotic citizen and I will never sell my country' and walked towards her.

I could hear the national anthem playing in my head while walking towards her .

She came towards me , and said in a very quiet voice as if she was trying to tell me a secret : " Have you ever tried to lose weight ?"
WHAT ? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME ?

You know , I wish she wanted me to be a spy , it would have been easier to deal with , I wanted to call her names , beat her and get the hell out of  there , but I tried to be a little bit sarcastic about it .

"Lose weight ? No , I have never thought of it , do you think I should ?" I answered in a very sarcastic way.

Tears were about to come out of her eyes, as if she is standing next to a child who has a deadly disease.

"Yes, dear " she answered , batting on my shoulder , " Yes dear , you must lose the weight"

I wanted to ask for her ID , I was sure that somehow she will be related to my mother , or at least she was her colleague in the aliens/laboratory thing (Read the second chapter and you will know what I am talking about ) , but instead I decided to be the bigger person ( ha ha , so funny , I know I am the bigger person , whatever !!!) and walk away, but hell no, my life is not that easy.

"First thing my dear , you must forget about coming to this section of the supermarket , there is a huge section for …." She stopped talking for a second and then said " For people like you" .

Seconds passed while she was trying to hide her tears that looked HUGE through her enormous glasses she was wearing .

"You should follow a diet , eat an orange in the morning and that is it , stop eating everything else , you can have cereal from time to time "

"Oh no , that is not a good idea " , that was NOT me , it was another woman , who, apparently was interested in our conversation .

"I think you should follow the 'yogurt diet' , you only eat yogurt , diet yogurt of course , and drink a lot of water , you will be thin and pretty in no time"

After five minutes , I figured out that I was surrounded with eight women discussing my issues , suggesting weight loss plans and drawing my whole future.

What is going on ? is it real that all of these women left everything to talk about me ? Why ? is there a goal behind their conversation? Are they really shopping ? or they were sent by an anonymous side to drive me crazy ?

I started screaming in the middle of the supermarket , really screaming because simply I couldn't handle this anymore. I wanted to walk away from the supermarket but all the women were following me . Oh my God , this is how I am going to die , I started running and some of them run after me .

I turned back to them and screamed " What do you want from me ?"

One of them answered " You dropped your purse dear"

I did not know what to say , I took the purse , walked away and got out of the supermarket .

Bottom line , when you are overweight , your imagination is really WIDE !!!

But it is not imagination , I am still FAT!!

(Written by :Ziad Bakri 6/9/2012)


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About Me

Palestinian/ Freelance writer, translator and Trainer./ I believe that writing is therapy and that is why I write./ 26 years old.
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