Our grandmothers used to say that lies are men’s salt meaning that men cannot live without lying to everyone around them especially their women. Some men are proud of that especially that they believe women do not have the ability to accept the truth most of the times especially when it is related to their appearances, or a non-official anniversary (for example: the first time they tried Chinese food together!) or when dealing with their emotional roller coasters.
However, some people believe that all the reasons mentioned above are nothing but an evidence of how stereotypical is the way men look at women and how they believe women cannot control their emotions and that all their interests evolve around their looks only. They also believe that a man has to be honest about everything; if his wife’s new dress is awful he should tell her so, if she made a decision that he thinks is stupid then he should go ahead and tell her so.
But what about women? How much ‘salt’ do they add to their relationships? If we study the issue thoroughly we will find that they add A LOT of salt. But let me start with the number one lie in the book: “I love meeting your obnoxious family twice a week”, many friends of mine celebrate it when they or one of their kids is sick on the ‘weekly visit’ day… A friend of mine literally had a shower and stood in the balcony right afterwards just to avoid ‘the visit’ even though his family are not bad people.
And what about the past? 99% of the girls have only one answer to the questions related to their previous experiences with love, they all say that they have never felt in love with any other person before the one she is responding to his question. For those who would say that no man will accept the idea of his lover/fiance being in love with someone else before him, PLEASE check the stereotypes theory mentioned above.
And the lies go on and on, “I am OK with the fact that we should live three hours away from my family.” “No one is stronger than you!” “Would you please help me open this can because I cannot do it” and please don’t get me started with the “size does not matter” lie!
Most people agree that their relationships are the saltiest in their beginnings, for example the girl gives the guy the impression that she always looks perfect (YES, looks are a super important part of any relationship!) she never agrees to go out without makeup nor to let him see her when she is being an ordinary person. In the Arab world, some girls manage to keep that facade till the end of the first couple of months after marriage, and then they find themselves unable to fulfil all the requirements of the mask they chose to wear.
But let’s look at it from a different perceptive. Is it lying or is it compromise? When was the last time you had the perfect job or the perfect day or even the perfect meal.. nothing is perfect and no person is for sure! If each person is brutally honest with his/her partner then no relationship would succeed especially at the beginning. Sometimes, it is a part of accepting the differences and being able to know each other and adapt to the idea of living together.
So, if your husband tells you your dress is beautiful while he thinks otherwise it shows how considerate he is of your feelings… If your wife tells you that she likes meeting your family on a regular basis while she does not, it shows that she respects those you love and appreciates the fact that you want them to be a part of your life instead of pushing you away from them….
At the end, lies are really nothing but salt… And as in cooking, adding some salt makes your meals tasty and delicious while adding lots of it in the wrong way will ruin your health! And remember to always ask yourself how salty your relationship is!